dealing with drama

Oh, the inevitable meltdown . . . or tantrum or fit or whatever you wish to call it. They often seem to catch us off guard and in the worst places (usually public places)! It's an embarrassing, frustrating, and awkward situation that even the most perfect mom can't always avoid. Over the years I have witnessed many many of these meltdowns and, of course, I have had to deal with my fair share of them. Definitely not one of the highlights of my day! Timeouts, sending a child to his room, or taking away a favorite toy as punishment is not always an option either. As a nanny, I have worked out a little system for diffusing most of the bombs before they go off.

Say something positive. If your child is yelling about how he can't do this or he's so angry about that or life is just unfair, usually the first thing I will try to do is get him to say yes to something. "That made you so angry didn't it?" "Yes! Because I . . ." It may seem strange, but finding a "yes" in a completely negative situation can really calm kids down. 

Agree with them. Acknowledge the fact that they are struggling. "I know that it is very frustrating to come into the bookstore and not buy a book. I wish we could all buy books too." Let them know that you understand their problem and want to help with it. Make sure you don't belittle them for being upset. The goal should be to teach them how to correctly deal with their frustration, eventually all on their own in their heads without it ever being an issue. At this point, it should be okay for them to have emotions that are a little out of control. They are still learning.

Let them vent. Not loudly while kicking and screaming and throwing things, of course. But if they are able to talk calmly about what is wrong, give them a few minutes to talk it all out. Getting it all out in the open will help them to move on with the rest of life. Sometimes, I have found, that this is all a child really needs: a moment to be heard and understood. It really can work wonders.

Suggest an alternative. "We can't buy books today, but maybe you could pick out a special book when your birthday comes." "Maybe this afternoon we could go check out a book from the library." Or next week or whatever. Give them something positive to look forward to, even if it's totally unrelated. "Let's get popsicles when we are done at the bookstore. I think your favorite color is still in the freezer!" It will usually get their mind off the current problem and will teach them to have a positive outlook overall. I have even had kids that eventually catch on to this and ask very sweetly if we can do a, b, or c since we can't do x, y, or z. 

How do you deal with drama in your house?